Remembering the Dead By Henri Nouwen

When we lose a dear friend, someone we have loved deeply, we
are left with a grief that can paralyse us emotionally for a
long time.   People we love become part of us.  Our
thinking, feeling and acting are codetermined by them:  Our
fathers, our mothers, our husbands, our wives, our lovers,
our children, our friends … they are all living in our
hearts.  When they die a part of us has to die too.  That is
what grief is about:  It is that slow and painful departure
of someone who has become an intimate part of us.  When
Christmas, the new year, a birthday or anniversary comes, we
feel deeply the absence of our beloved companion.  We
sometimes have to live at least a whole year before our
hearts have fully said good-bye and the pain of our grief
recedes.   But as we let go of them they become part of our
“members” and as we “re-member” them, they become our guides
on our spiritual journey.

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